You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
