at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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