I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
