just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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