Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
