well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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