Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
