I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
