Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
