If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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