It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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