Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
