it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful