Texts From Last Night

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  (941): View more from Florida

  I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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  (941): I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is" http://tfl.nu/uvfs
  Replies (13) Good night (5287) Bad night (870)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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  (828): everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard. http://tfl.nu/9kw6
  Replies (7) Good night (2562) Bad night (1060)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

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  (715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa
  Replies (64) Good night (17524) Bad night (1803)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"

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  (301): Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal" http://tfl.nu/5b46
  Replies (48) Good night (4092) Bad night (870)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here

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  (850): Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here http://tfl.nu/hhg1
  Replies (16) Good night (5529) Bad night (1333)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

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  (401): he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys. http://tfl.nu/w8m7
  Replies (28) Good night (1838) Bad night (6948)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.

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  (817): Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again. http://tfl.nu/k3cq
  Replies (20) Good night (3209) Bad night (1094)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You made eat vitamins until I threw up

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  (303): You made eat vitamins until I threw up http://tfl.nu/o1t5
  Replies (9) Good night (893) Bad night (3502)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.

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  (908): so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills. http://tfl.nu/ed0l
  Replies (7) Good night (3195) Bad night (898)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.

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  (609): get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots. http://tfl.nu/a2ct
  Replies (4) Good night (1434) Bad night (833)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.

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  (845): Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions. http://tfl.nu/ahrr
  Replies (3) Good night (1153) Bad night (668)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

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  (419): Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg http://tfl.nu/keiy
  Replies (1) Good night (1301) Bad night (426)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?

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  (503): Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism? http://tfl.nu/3od1
  Replies (3) Good night (998) Bad night (403)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week

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  (734): Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week http://tfl.nu/iesm
  Replies (3) Good night (600) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight

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  (904): I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight http://tfl.nu/dl4c
  Replies (1) Good night (345) Bad night (219)

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