I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
