i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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