she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING