You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
smell my finger.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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