Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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