smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
