it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
