im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
