would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
