yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
