You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
