The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i've created a new STD.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
