I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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