I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize