went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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