WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
