beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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