omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
