I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
