I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
