Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
