now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
