i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
