He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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