the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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