I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
