I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
