the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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