I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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