White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
