my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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