I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
