I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize