actually, I'm a sock model
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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