I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
