My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
