I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
