How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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