So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
