When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
