ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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