i don't like sucking hair
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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