Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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