R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
did i just pee glitter
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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