she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You left your phone here
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