i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
