He had one of those small greek statue penises
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize