those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You're like the curious george of whores
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
please don't ironically join a cult
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