oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
