Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
