It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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