i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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