Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My pussy is not your playground.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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